Bearing spiritual fruit as mothers

We are working through Denise Glenn's book 'Freedom for Mothers' at the Mum's group at church this term.  It's central theme is taken from John 15:5:

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing."

As we abide in God He meets our need for love and acceptance and He fills us with his Spirit.  As a result of this we are able to bear fruit as mothers:

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control."  (Galatians 5:22-23)

I long for even more of this fruit in my relationship with my children.  I would like to be more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self controlled with them.  I can't do it by trying harder in my own strength, but as I abide in God his Spirit works in me to produce these fruit.

Our goal for our children

"What is our goal for our children? To be happy? To have good jobs? Our main goal must be to train them to follow God. Our children are not our own, they belong to Him and we have a responsibility before Him to train them."

- Carl and Virginia Herrington in their article "Building families that embrace mission"

It is easy as parents to get drawn into following the world's values in parenting our children. But what does the Bible say about some of these common aspirations...

Is our goal to raise happy children?

Is our goal to raise well behaved children?

Is our goal to raise well educated children?

Is our goal to raise children with a financially secure future?

Is our goal to raise successful children?

These may be good things but are they God's best? Our goal is to raise children who above everything else follow Jesus' example to:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength... [and] Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31)

God's best

Over the summer the Women's group at church have been working through Cynthia Heald's book "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity". I have found it helpful and although it does not specifically discuss Mothering, it does speak to issues that are very relevent to us as mothers.

One of the main points she raises can be summed up by this quote in the book, from Gordon MacDonald's father:

"Your challenge will not be in separating out the good from the bad, but in grabbing the best out of all the possible good".

Cynthia writes, "My concern is that we live in a world where doing, communicating, and possessing so rule our lives that we have allowed even good things to overtake our time and distract from the best."

She recalls,"I was involved in worthy things: helping in my childrens schools and activities, being in a garden club, serving in Sunday school, teaching a Bible study, inviting friends over for a meal. All of these activities were good, but my problem was that I was committed to doing them all at the same time. As a result I felt pulled in many directions and eventually realized that I was missing out on what was most important. My busy life was robbing me of my most precious relationships - my time with the Lord and my family...I was doing a lot of good things but they were taking the place of the most important. I needed to abide [in Him]."

"Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."  (John 15:5)

Homemaking - the ultimate career

"The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only, and that is to support the ultimate career." CS Lewis

Quoted by Jonathan LeTocq today on Twitter.

The Wife of Noble Character

"The Wife of Noble Character" described in Proverbs 31:10-31 is a woman I aspire to be like in many ways:

 ¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

 ¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

 ¹² She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

 ¹³ She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

 ¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

 ¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

 ¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 ¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

 ¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

 ¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

 ²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

 ²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

 ²² She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

 ²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

 ²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

 ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

 ²⁶ She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

 ²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 ²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

 ²⁹ "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

 ³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

 ³¹ Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Teaching God's word to our children

"You shall teach [God's words] to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking in the way, and when you lie down and when you rise" (Deut 11:19)

Tyson Paoletti quoted this passage in his article 'Scripture Memory - A Father's Perspective' on the Resurgence blog recently.  Although he is talking specifically to Fathers in the blog, this verse is addressed to 'Israel' so is applicable to Mothers too.  Whilst the context is obviously under Old Testament Law I feel it would still be God's desire for us today.

Tyson Paoletti comments that it is parents "...who have the primary responsibility for teaching our kids about God, not the church.  The church is there to supplement what our kids should already be learning at home."

This reminded me of a recent blog post by Carl Thomas, "Ghetto Parenting and it's Charismatic counterpart" (a comment on the recent negative media reports about secular 'ghetto parents') in which he lists some symptoms of what he describes as Charismatic Ghetto Parenting or CGP.  This is first problem he identifies:

• CGP is expecting the Sunday school to teach your kids about Jesus.

Talking to our children about God and what He says to us in the Bible should be a natural part of everyday life.  As we are sitting at home with our children we share stories with them about Jesus, Joseph, Noah... As we are walking to playgroup we admire with them the beauty of His creation.  As we tuck them up into bed at night we pray, thanking God with them for His grace and provision, and seeking His will and the power of His Spirit.  As we rise in the morning we sing, worshipping God with them declaring His authority and holiness, for His glory.

All for Jesus

Our church held a worship evening called 'ReNEW' tonight, the theme focussed on Jesus, what He has done for us and our response to that.  Among the many songs we sang, this one by Robin Mark particularly spoke to me:

Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.

For it's only in Your will that I am free,
For it's only in Your will that I am free,
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

As I was singing it struck me that it is not only the ambitions, hopes and plans for my life that I surrender to God, but also my ambitions, hopes and plans for my children's lives too.  I am to lay down the things I want my children to be, and lead them to Jesus so that they can discover and live in the fullness of God's will for their lives.  So that they will not be limited to my desires for them, or even their own desires, but be truly free to live how God intended.

A heritage from the Lord

"'Children are a heritage from the Lord' (Ps 127:3) and they should be acknowledged as such.  It is from God that parents receive their children, and it is to God that they should lead them"

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, quoted by Steve Froud in his blog today.  Steve goes on to comment:

"...we are tempted to play God by making (our children) into our own image.  Of course they will take after us and initially learn all that they know from their parents but each of them has their own unique future, hopefully shaped by God.  We should become like stewards of a great treasure that is not our own and be ready to obey the one whose treasure it really is.  Those instructions are given in some detail throughout the Bible and yet often as 'stewards' we know better and bow to contemporary or cultural thinking."

Aspects of Character

The Mum's Bible Study group at church have been working through 'Boundaries with Kids' by Henry Cloud and John Townsend over the past few weeks.  Whilst I don't agree with all of their suggestions, and am uncomfortable about their lack of biblical references, the authors raise some interesting points to consider.  In the first chapter they outline the qualities they consider important for a parent to foster in their children, which I have summarised below:

Loving - recognizing that the world does not revolve around you.

Responsible - taking ownership of your life and knowing you are accountable for it to God and others.

Free - realising that you have choices and can take some control of your life (rather than remaining passive or developing a victim mentality).

Initiating - being creative and having the ability to begin things.

Respectful of Reality - developing wisdom through experiencing both the positive and negative consequences of your actions.

Oriented to Growth - facing the obstacles of life and using them to grow and change you (rather than trying to get reality to change to suit you).

Oriented to Truth - honesty.  (Provide a safe environment for your children to be honest, they handle logical consequences of their mistakes better than relational consequences such as anger, guilt, shame, condemnation or abandonment).

Oriented to Transcendence - being grounded in God (gives direction and meaning to life; allows you to transcend problems, your limitations, others' sin against you; focus not on yourself or your own happiness).

They conclude by saying:

'To develop a child of good character, we must be parents of good character'.

All work is measured by faith alone

"The works of monks and priests, however holy and arduous they may be, do not differ one whit in the sight of God from the works of the rustic labourer in the field, or the woman going about her household tasks, but that all works are measured before God by faith (attitude) alone."

- Martin Luther, quoted by PJ Smyth today in the Godfirst Church blog.